Soooo guess what I did? I signed up to be a Distributor with AdvoCare. *insert eye roll* I know what you're thinking..."great, now she's going to be inviting me to stupid parties and trying to make me buy crap". False. I have totally "been there, done that" with other companies like Mary Kay and Scentsy (no offense to those out there who are a part of either of these). There are people who have been wildly successful being sales people with those companies, and that's great. I'm not one of them. I'm not into the whole pyramid scheme stuff.
I didn't sign up so I could be a pushy sales person and shove stuff in people's faces. I have two jobs already, I don't want another one.
I signed up for a few reasons:
1. I've heard great things about the products.
2. I want to experiment with new supplements.
3. I can get a 20% discount on everything.
That's all.
I just got my first two boxes of stuff in over the weekend, and I haven't tried anything yet. If I like what I use, I will be posting reviews and pics as I go!
:)
Monday, June 29, 2015
Friday, June 5, 2015
Jumping Back on the IIFYM Wagon!
Hey, it's time to get real. I mean, really real....for real.
Chances are, I have no idea who you are or why you're reading this, but you are. I'm about to share some things about myself that I'm not proud of, but they are the truth and are things I've been hiding behind guilt and shame. Why am I doing this? I don't know, I just want to. So, what's up?
I like food. A lot. Not all foods, but lots of them...mostly cheesy stuff and sweet stuff. Call me "picky" or whatever, I don't care. I could live on cheez-its with melted cheese, queso and tortilla chips, and chocolate. Seriously.
I'm an emotional eater. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat. When I'm stressed out, I eat. Food Food Food. In my face.
I like to eat alone. If nobody is watching me, there's nobody to judge me. In my car in a parking lot. On the couch after my husband is in bed. I can stuff my face with as much junk as I want, and nobody will know. It's like a little secret with myself.
...so what do all these things mean? Well, for starters - they are signs of an eating disorder. Binge Eating/Compulsive Overeating.
As a kid, I never really struggled with my weight. It didn't really become a problem until college. I gained a lot of weight my freshman year, mostly because I lived off of pizza, ramen noodles, and velveeta shells n cheese (I told you, I love cheesy stuff). So, I joined Weight Watchers. I had success. I thought I had it down, so I quit. This started the cycle of starting and quitting. I joined and left Weight Watchers about 7 times after that. I spent the next few years counting points and eating frozen dinners. Then I just stopped thinking about it all and ate whatever I wanted. Fast forward to about 2.5 years ago, and I found boot camp. This was lifechanging. I was given a meal plan. I was introduced to "clean" eating. I started eating vegetables. I did high intensity workouts frequently. I started running. I got in shape, lost the weight, and felt amazing. Then, I got sick of spending my whole day on Sundays prepping and cooking food. I got bored eating the same meals day in and day out. So, I was introduced to a new eating concept called IIFYM (if it fits your macros)/ Flexible Dieting. It was mindblowing. I could eat all those foods that were considered "bad" in my mind, I could go to restaurants without stress, and I could change up what I ate on a daily basis. You can't do IIFYM without tracking what you eat, you just can't. So, I logged everything I ate into My Fitness Pal. I was shredding fat and feeling uuuuuhhhhmaaazzziiiing. Then, things changed. I started a business. My coach left. I started running out of spare time. I used all these things as an excuse, and I quit. All of it.
Since then, I have been turning to food for comfort BIGtime. Tracking what I eat?? HAHAHAHHA riiiiight.
As a result of eating whatever I want without thinking, and not working out...I have now put on 40 pounds. Since December. O...M..G.
I've gone from fit, healthy, happy, and confident......to out of shape, zero confidence, and shameful. I've gone from bright and sunshiney to dark and gloomy. I'm right back to where I started in 2013. Actually, I'm worse than where I was then. You guys, I weigh more now and am bigger now than I've ever been. If I keep going at this rate, I'll be 200 pounds by the end of June. No joke. I've got rolls...on my BACK! It hurts to tie my shoes because of my gut. I can't fit into any of my bluejeans. My sports bra is too small. My cheeks jiggle when I walk, all 4 of them. I get out breath all the time. I didn't even play with my nephew at his 4th birthday party because I was so uncomfortable.
How did this happen?!? I stopped working out. I stopped eating healthy. I stopped caring about me. I just stopped, all of it. I was in complete denial, thinking..."oh this one meal won't make me get fat"...and little by little, the pounds kept on coming. Now, this is where I'm at. And the only person to blame is myself. I'm not proud of what's happened, but I'm done hiding it and beating myself up for it. I'm human, just like you. I make mistakes, just like you.
So I've got two choices...do nothing, or do something. I can either keep making excuses, not really trying, and keep getting bigger. Or I can suck it up, focus, and achieve my goals. I choose option #2.
Here's the plan:
I know what you're thinking...yeah yeah, she says she's "done" all the time, says she's not quitting all the time, I've heard this before....blah blah blah. That's okay. I'll prove you wrong. :)
I don't want to be uncomfortable this summer, like I am now. I want to be able to go to the lake with my husband. I want to be able to wear shorts and tank tops. I want to be able to go play. Besides all that - I'm going on a cruise in 107 days. If that's not something to work towards, I don't know what is!
Chances are, I have no idea who you are or why you're reading this, but you are. I'm about to share some things about myself that I'm not proud of, but they are the truth and are things I've been hiding behind guilt and shame. Why am I doing this? I don't know, I just want to. So, what's up?
I like food. A lot. Not all foods, but lots of them...mostly cheesy stuff and sweet stuff. Call me "picky" or whatever, I don't care. I could live on cheez-its with melted cheese, queso and tortilla chips, and chocolate. Seriously.
I'm an emotional eater. When I'm happy, I eat. When I'm sad, I eat. When I'm stressed out, I eat. Food Food Food. In my face.
I like to eat alone. If nobody is watching me, there's nobody to judge me. In my car in a parking lot. On the couch after my husband is in bed. I can stuff my face with as much junk as I want, and nobody will know. It's like a little secret with myself.
...so what do all these things mean? Well, for starters - they are signs of an eating disorder. Binge Eating/Compulsive Overeating.
As a kid, I never really struggled with my weight. It didn't really become a problem until college. I gained a lot of weight my freshman year, mostly because I lived off of pizza, ramen noodles, and velveeta shells n cheese (I told you, I love cheesy stuff). So, I joined Weight Watchers. I had success. I thought I had it down, so I quit. This started the cycle of starting and quitting. I joined and left Weight Watchers about 7 times after that. I spent the next few years counting points and eating frozen dinners. Then I just stopped thinking about it all and ate whatever I wanted. Fast forward to about 2.5 years ago, and I found boot camp. This was lifechanging. I was given a meal plan. I was introduced to "clean" eating. I started eating vegetables. I did high intensity workouts frequently. I started running. I got in shape, lost the weight, and felt amazing. Then, I got sick of spending my whole day on Sundays prepping and cooking food. I got bored eating the same meals day in and day out. So, I was introduced to a new eating concept called IIFYM (if it fits your macros)/ Flexible Dieting. It was mindblowing. I could eat all those foods that were considered "bad" in my mind, I could go to restaurants without stress, and I could change up what I ate on a daily basis. You can't do IIFYM without tracking what you eat, you just can't. So, I logged everything I ate into My Fitness Pal. I was shredding fat and feeling uuuuuhhhhmaaazzziiiing. Then, things changed. I started a business. My coach left. I started running out of spare time. I used all these things as an excuse, and I quit. All of it.
Since then, I have been turning to food for comfort BIGtime. Tracking what I eat?? HAHAHAHHA riiiiight.
As a result of eating whatever I want without thinking, and not working out...I have now put on 40 pounds. Since December. O...M..G.
I've gone from fit, healthy, happy, and confident......to out of shape, zero confidence, and shameful. I've gone from bright and sunshiney to dark and gloomy. I'm right back to where I started in 2013. Actually, I'm worse than where I was then. You guys, I weigh more now and am bigger now than I've ever been. If I keep going at this rate, I'll be 200 pounds by the end of June. No joke. I've got rolls...on my BACK! It hurts to tie my shoes because of my gut. I can't fit into any of my bluejeans. My sports bra is too small. My cheeks jiggle when I walk, all 4 of them. I get out breath all the time. I didn't even play with my nephew at his 4th birthday party because I was so uncomfortable.
How did this happen?!? I stopped working out. I stopped eating healthy. I stopped caring about me. I just stopped, all of it. I was in complete denial, thinking..."oh this one meal won't make me get fat"...and little by little, the pounds kept on coming. Now, this is where I'm at. And the only person to blame is myself. I'm not proud of what's happened, but I'm done hiding it and beating myself up for it. I'm human, just like you. I make mistakes, just like you.
So I've got two choices...do nothing, or do something. I can either keep making excuses, not really trying, and keep getting bigger. Or I can suck it up, focus, and achieve my goals. I choose option #2.
Here's the plan:
- Get my eating back under control. Get back on board with IIFYM.
- Do harder workouts. Sweat more.
- Stop trying to have a steady routine. Ain't happenin'. Life is too nuts.
- Quit focusing on what I'm afraid will go wrong, and focus on what I want to go right.
- Get organized.
- Focus on one day at a time. Make it count.
- Believe in myself.
- Live in the moment. Focus on the present, not the past.
- No more self-sabotage. I deserve success.
- Stop making excuses.
I know what you're thinking...yeah yeah, she says she's "done" all the time, says she's not quitting all the time, I've heard this before....blah blah blah. That's okay. I'll prove you wrong. :)
I don't want to be uncomfortable this summer, like I am now. I want to be able to go to the lake with my husband. I want to be able to wear shorts and tank tops. I want to be able to go play. Besides all that - I'm going on a cruise in 107 days. If that's not something to work towards, I don't know what is!
One of my goals for that trip is to just stand on the beach in a bikini and smile, feeling like a million bucks.
So, get ready for daily posts...pictures of food...selfies...and more! I'm getting back into the grind and will be losing this dang fluff alllll over again! One meal at a time, one workout at a time, one day at a time.
Friday, May 29, 2015
Just Do YOU!
This year has not been all rainbows and happy times like I had planned, in fact - it's probably been one of my most difficult years yet. There have been tons of ups and downs, lots of huge changes, and some dark and lonely moments. I was on the phone with my Dad a few days ago, talking about the crazy lady in my previous post (update on that below) and he said something that stuck with me, "Don't ever waste a crisis." At the time, I was like yeah yeah...use the rough times as a learning experience, blah blah...but the more I thought about it, the more I realized something huge...
For those of you that are wondering what ever happened with crazy face in my last post...she ended up being able to take $2900 away from me. 100% BS? Yep. Could I take her to court and fight to get it back? Yes. Is it worth the lawyer fees, my time, and the energy? I don't think so. Is this the end of it? I sure as heck hope so.
I need to get back to just being me and doing my own thing.
It's in my nature to be a people-pleaser and want everyone to like me. I don't like conflict. I don't like it when people are mad at me. I don't like it when people are disappointed in me. I don't like it when people try to change me. But you know what?? I'm friggin' tired of trying to please EVERYone. I've learned the hard way that there are folks out there that just aren't going to like me or the decisions I make. There are people who are going to try and knock the wind out of my sails and make me feel incapable of pursuing things. Unfortunately, that's just a part of life. I've accepted it. Now, I'm going to get back to doing what's best for me. If somebody doesn't like me, the way I do things, or how I act...sorry, have a nice day somewhere else!
I have gotten SO wrapped up in worrying about everyone else's opinion of me that I have lost my edge. You can't base how you feel about yourself off of other people's opinions of you, or you will drive yourself crazy. Opinions are just opinions anyway, not facts. Life is too short to be so dang worried about other people. All you can do is be yourself, do your thing, and forget the rest.
That being said, guess who's upping the intensity of her routine? This girl.
I'm going to make time for going to the weight room again, increase the weight I'm using during my morning workouts, and add in more cardio. In 114 days, I will be stepping on a ship to sail away into the Caribbean with my man (first vacation alone in years), and you can bet your bikini that I'm not spending an entire trip uncomfortable in my own skin! It's overwhelming to think of how much work I've got to do to get this fluff off, but I'm not going to let it scare me. I've lost this crap before and I can do it again. Just one day at a time...
------------------------------------------
For those of you that are wondering what ever happened with crazy face in my last post...she ended up being able to take $2900 away from me. 100% BS? Yep. Could I take her to court and fight to get it back? Yes. Is it worth the lawyer fees, my time, and the energy? I don't think so. Is this the end of it? I sure as heck hope so.
Monday, May 4, 2015
Taking Back Control
I just want to start out by saying that this is a pretty long post...had to get a lot off my chest!
I'd say it's pretty obvious that my life has been a struggle lately. April was pretty much an all-time low for me, especially the last week of it. I've been hesitant to share a lot of what's been going on out of fear, but I just can't hold it in anymore.
As yall know, I started a wedding flower business last year. This has been a life-long dream of mine, and I decided to go for it. I have a steady full-time job, where I work Monday-Friday from 8-5. So, I figured that I would just be busy on some weekends and a few evenings. HA! Running a business with another job on top of it is no joke. The time I used to spend working out, prepping meals, doing laundry, having fun, and relaxing began to disappear little by little. It was okay with me because I was goin full-speed ahead...I was on the success train, with nothing to stop me. Yeah, I started getting a little fluffy, but I didn't care because I was accomplishing a dream. I started booking weddings left and right, getting asked to do photoshoots and open houses, getting approached by advertising companies, and the emails flooded in. I was beyond excited! I even booked a huge wedding at a very high-end golf club in Horseshoe Bay, and the clients I was working with were super nice. We would text and email each other several times a day, and we all couldn't wait for the big day! I worked with them for 6 months, planning all the details with the flowers, and finalizing all the little things. Leading up to the wedding, I started having a hard time falling asleep because I couldn't stop thinking about how excited I was! I worked 2.5 days at my full-time job, then I switched into flower-mode. The flowers arrived at my studio, I'd say a good 25 boxes full (that's a ton of flowers). These flowers were flown in from all over...Japan, Holland, Chile, and Florida. I processed them, making sure they all looked perfect and then began working on the designs. I started with the bride's bouquet, which I always do first because let's face it...that is one of the MOST important things on that day! It was absolutely gorgeous. I worked until midnight the first night. Then, I got up at 7 and worked until 3am the next two days. That's right - 4 hours of sleep, two days in a row. The night before the wedding, I remember very clearly...I was sitting on an empty bucked turned upside down, re-reading the final invoice to make sure I hadn't missed a single thing (mind you, this invoice was 5 pages long). I was surrounded by flowers and greenery, it was about 3:30am, and I got this sinking feeling in my stomach. I immediately thought to myself, "what if they hate everything?"...and I cried. I knew that what I had made was beautiful, but I just had this gut feeling that something bad could happen. I prayed, told myself to shut up, walked home with my flashlight (my studio is just down the driveway), took a shower, and went to sleep for about 3 hours. Then, I got up and went back to my studio to finish up some last-minute things and begin loading up the box truck. My husband was by my side to help me with the loading, and my parents and grandma came over with breakfast tacos and to follow us to the venue. We were all loaded up, and headed out. From the minute we got to the venue, it was busy busy busy. Me and my little team worked super hard to install all the flowers! On top of the centerpieces and everything else, we made this AWESOME flower chandelier that was 5.5' in width at the top, and hung down about 7'. It. Was. Gorgeous. The mother of the bride even told my parents that I had exceeded her expectations, that she just loved having me as the florist, and that I should toot my own horn more! I was on top of the world!! Receiving compliments from my clients makes all of those long hours of hard work, no sleep, and stress alllllll worth it.
A few days after the wedding, I emailed the bride and her mother - thanking them both for giving me the opportunity to be a part of such a special occasion. The response I got from them changed me. They said some of the most hurtful and unimaginable things I've ever heard, here's just a few of those things they said..... that I ruined the wedding, I was unprofessional and a poor amateur, anyone off the street could have done a better job than me, that I didn't care, that I committed fraud, that they were heartbroken, that the "mess" I created would be forever etched into their memory of what could have been a perfect wedding, that I made them sick, and to top things off - that having my family work with me was an embarassment.
When I read all of these things, I was in complete shock. I didn't receive one complaint on the day of the wedding, in fact - just compliments! So, reading all of that took me by total surprise and totally crushed me. I knew nothing I said in a response to them would make them happy, so I kept it short, sweet, and professional. They requested the photographers not send me any pictures from that day, so I won't even get to see how beautiful everything looked. Now, they have gone so far as to request a "chargeback" from their credit card company, for the full amount of the flowers. Basically, if it's approved - I'll be taking a huge hit financially. I've done all I can do to defend myself, and now it's just a waiting game and out of my hands at this point. It could take another month before I hear an answer.
I'm not sure if I will ever understand the motives behind these people, or how they could do such a thing after looking me in the eye and telling me that they just loved me. I'd be lying if I said that this experience hasn't made me question whether or not I should continue pursuing my dream. I've become fearful of future clients, wondering if they are going to butter me up the same way then stab me in the back. I've began to doubt my abilities as a business owner. I started drinking a little, not just on the weekends. I have been clinging on to bitterness and anger towards these people for a month. I've started eating even more junk food, stuffing down my feelings. I have felt completely and utterly defeated. My heart has hardened a bit. The whole time all this crap has been going on, I have been getting even busier. I literally can't keep up with my business emails, and I've got a constant line of brides waiting on quotes. So, instead of driving my success train, I've been hanging off the caboose of it by one little finger! But hey, at least it's still going - right?
Although this experience isn't completely behind me yet, I have learned A TON. I've learned that I have an awesome husband and an amazing family. My husband has been by my side through this whole thing, listening to me vent and trying to encourage me. My family has been there to help me fight, and taught me how to protect myself from evil people. I've also learned that I can say "no" to clients I don't want to work with. If I run across anyone who I even THINK might have a crazy flag...I politely decline, and let them go fly their crazy flag somewhere else! Not every client is a good match for me, and that's okay. I've learned to never give up, to keep showing up, and to always stand up for what I believe in. I've learned that you can't trust most folks, and when you find friends you can lean on - let them know you appreciate them. I've learned that there is evil in this world, and it doesn't just come in the form of a boogey man.
So, as if I wasn't struggling enough with balancing my life - all of that happened on top of it. I have had to give up boot camp because I just don't have time to make it during the week due to photoshoots, etc. I haven't been eating right because frankly, I haven't cared. I have been extremely down, depressed even. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, I'm sick of wearing the same clothes all the time, and I hate feeling so BLAH!!!!! So, I have two choices here...either keep stuffing my feelings down with food and pretending I'm okay, or take control and make a change. I'm choosing to take control and change.
I used to watch a tv show called Tone It Up, it was a reality show about two trainers in California starting their business. I decided that I'm going to try things their way for a while, and I bought some of their products. I'm going to HEB after work today to buy some healthy groceries and new foods. Starting tomorrow, I am going to start getting up early, and doing workouts with their DVD's. They workout on the beach, so hey - what better way to start the day than on the beach, right?! I took my measurements last night, and weighed myself this morning. I'm officially the fluffiest and heaviest I've ever been. Woo.
We all have to start somewhere, and even though I'm starting over (again), at least I'm starting. It's time for me to stop letting my life run me, and for me to start running my life again!! No more of this being down on myself crap. I. Am. Done.
I'd say it's pretty obvious that my life has been a struggle lately. April was pretty much an all-time low for me, especially the last week of it. I've been hesitant to share a lot of what's been going on out of fear, but I just can't hold it in anymore.
As yall know, I started a wedding flower business last year. This has been a life-long dream of mine, and I decided to go for it. I have a steady full-time job, where I work Monday-Friday from 8-5. So, I figured that I would just be busy on some weekends and a few evenings. HA! Running a business with another job on top of it is no joke. The time I used to spend working out, prepping meals, doing laundry, having fun, and relaxing began to disappear little by little. It was okay with me because I was goin full-speed ahead...I was on the success train, with nothing to stop me. Yeah, I started getting a little fluffy, but I didn't care because I was accomplishing a dream. I started booking weddings left and right, getting asked to do photoshoots and open houses, getting approached by advertising companies, and the emails flooded in. I was beyond excited! I even booked a huge wedding at a very high-end golf club in Horseshoe Bay, and the clients I was working with were super nice. We would text and email each other several times a day, and we all couldn't wait for the big day! I worked with them for 6 months, planning all the details with the flowers, and finalizing all the little things. Leading up to the wedding, I started having a hard time falling asleep because I couldn't stop thinking about how excited I was! I worked 2.5 days at my full-time job, then I switched into flower-mode. The flowers arrived at my studio, I'd say a good 25 boxes full (that's a ton of flowers). These flowers were flown in from all over...Japan, Holland, Chile, and Florida. I processed them, making sure they all looked perfect and then began working on the designs. I started with the bride's bouquet, which I always do first because let's face it...that is one of the MOST important things on that day! It was absolutely gorgeous. I worked until midnight the first night. Then, I got up at 7 and worked until 3am the next two days. That's right - 4 hours of sleep, two days in a row. The night before the wedding, I remember very clearly...I was sitting on an empty bucked turned upside down, re-reading the final invoice to make sure I hadn't missed a single thing (mind you, this invoice was 5 pages long). I was surrounded by flowers and greenery, it was about 3:30am, and I got this sinking feeling in my stomach. I immediately thought to myself, "what if they hate everything?"...and I cried. I knew that what I had made was beautiful, but I just had this gut feeling that something bad could happen. I prayed, told myself to shut up, walked home with my flashlight (my studio is just down the driveway), took a shower, and went to sleep for about 3 hours. Then, I got up and went back to my studio to finish up some last-minute things and begin loading up the box truck. My husband was by my side to help me with the loading, and my parents and grandma came over with breakfast tacos and to follow us to the venue. We were all loaded up, and headed out. From the minute we got to the venue, it was busy busy busy. Me and my little team worked super hard to install all the flowers! On top of the centerpieces and everything else, we made this AWESOME flower chandelier that was 5.5' in width at the top, and hung down about 7'. It. Was. Gorgeous. The mother of the bride even told my parents that I had exceeded her expectations, that she just loved having me as the florist, and that I should toot my own horn more! I was on top of the world!! Receiving compliments from my clients makes all of those long hours of hard work, no sleep, and stress alllllll worth it.
A few days after the wedding, I emailed the bride and her mother - thanking them both for giving me the opportunity to be a part of such a special occasion. The response I got from them changed me. They said some of the most hurtful and unimaginable things I've ever heard, here's just a few of those things they said..... that I ruined the wedding, I was unprofessional and a poor amateur, anyone off the street could have done a better job than me, that I didn't care, that I committed fraud, that they were heartbroken, that the "mess" I created would be forever etched into their memory of what could have been a perfect wedding, that I made them sick, and to top things off - that having my family work with me was an embarassment.
When I read all of these things, I was in complete shock. I didn't receive one complaint on the day of the wedding, in fact - just compliments! So, reading all of that took me by total surprise and totally crushed me. I knew nothing I said in a response to them would make them happy, so I kept it short, sweet, and professional. They requested the photographers not send me any pictures from that day, so I won't even get to see how beautiful everything looked. Now, they have gone so far as to request a "chargeback" from their credit card company, for the full amount of the flowers. Basically, if it's approved - I'll be taking a huge hit financially. I've done all I can do to defend myself, and now it's just a waiting game and out of my hands at this point. It could take another month before I hear an answer.
I'm not sure if I will ever understand the motives behind these people, or how they could do such a thing after looking me in the eye and telling me that they just loved me. I'd be lying if I said that this experience hasn't made me question whether or not I should continue pursuing my dream. I've become fearful of future clients, wondering if they are going to butter me up the same way then stab me in the back. I've began to doubt my abilities as a business owner. I started drinking a little, not just on the weekends. I have been clinging on to bitterness and anger towards these people for a month. I've started eating even more junk food, stuffing down my feelings. I have felt completely and utterly defeated. My heart has hardened a bit. The whole time all this crap has been going on, I have been getting even busier. I literally can't keep up with my business emails, and I've got a constant line of brides waiting on quotes. So, instead of driving my success train, I've been hanging off the caboose of it by one little finger! But hey, at least it's still going - right?
Although this experience isn't completely behind me yet, I have learned A TON. I've learned that I have an awesome husband and an amazing family. My husband has been by my side through this whole thing, listening to me vent and trying to encourage me. My family has been there to help me fight, and taught me how to protect myself from evil people. I've also learned that I can say "no" to clients I don't want to work with. If I run across anyone who I even THINK might have a crazy flag...I politely decline, and let them go fly their crazy flag somewhere else! Not every client is a good match for me, and that's okay. I've learned to never give up, to keep showing up, and to always stand up for what I believe in. I've learned that you can't trust most folks, and when you find friends you can lean on - let them know you appreciate them. I've learned that there is evil in this world, and it doesn't just come in the form of a boogey man.
So, as if I wasn't struggling enough with balancing my life - all of that happened on top of it. I have had to give up boot camp because I just don't have time to make it during the week due to photoshoots, etc. I haven't been eating right because frankly, I haven't cared. I have been extremely down, depressed even. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, I'm sick of wearing the same clothes all the time, and I hate feeling so BLAH!!!!! So, I have two choices here...either keep stuffing my feelings down with food and pretending I'm okay, or take control and make a change. I'm choosing to take control and change.
We all have to start somewhere, and even though I'm starting over (again), at least I'm starting. It's time for me to stop letting my life run me, and for me to start running my life again!! No more of this being down on myself crap. I. Am. Done.
Monday, April 6, 2015
My Life is a Tornado!
It's been a while since I've blogged or posted anything. I am going through some HUGE changes in my life right now, so I have been spending less and less time taking care of myself. I know I know, bad habit. Let me just say this - change is not easy. It's hard, and sometimes it sucks.
My life went from a nice little routine all wrapped up in a pretty package to...a tornado. I used to get up, make protein pancakes, grab my pre-packed lunch and gym bags, and head to work. I'd work 8-5 M-F, then head straight to boot camp. After that, I'd have a protein shake on the way home, get home and cook supper, clean the kitchen, shower up, then relax and go to bed. Every day. Then, the weekends were for chilling, getting in another workout, cleaning house, and getting meals ready for the next week. That was it! Nice and simple! Then...I had the crazy idea to start my own business.
Starting a business has been a lifelong dream of mine, and I always knew it was just a matter of time before it happened. What I didn't know was how much it would change my world. Long gone are the days of a nice little routine, and long gone are the days of creating recipes, meal prep, and extra workouts. Every day is different, and every day has obstacles/successes of its own. I wake up late almost every day, and end up running out the door with either a cereal bar or no breakfast. I don't make time to pack lunches anymore, so I end up going to get fast food for lunch because I am in a hurry and have errands to run within that hour too. I don't go to boot camp anymore because I left that gym due to personal preferences (I did start a new workout though, more on that later). After I get home, I throw together supper with whatever I can find (lately it's been 50 cent frozen bean and cheese burritos). I don't care if the kitchen gets cleaned every night. And when I am done with all that, I have to work my business. I have emails, quotes, sketches, and orders to take care of. After that, I sit on the couch for about an hour of tv time, where I usually sack out and wake up with my mouth open. Then, I go to bed just to wake up and do it all over again. Some days, I have photoshoots. Some days, I have huge weddings that entail crazy tasks. Some days, I am on my feet for over 18 hours working on putting together flowers for my brides. Some days, I only get 3 hours of sleep. Some days, I only have one meal.
People ask me all the time - how do you do it?! Well, for one thing - I have come to realize that owning and operating my own floral design studio is what I have been called to do. Second, I can't quit my day job because of all of the benefits and the steady paycheck. So, for now - this is my life. Work, work, and work. I'd love to say that one day the madness will stop, but I'm not so sure.
Am I grateful to be chasing my dreams and know my purpose (one of them) in life? YES! Does that mean it's easy peasy and all rainbows? Heck NO. It's hard! You have to be tough to be a business owner. You have to be able to stand your ground and remain firm in your decisions. You have to keep your cool at all times, be flexible, and make things work when they seem impossible. You have to face your fears when you are scared to death, and you have to keep moving forward. I have been dealt some pretty dadgum amazing cards so far with my business, but I have also been dealt some tough ones. I have been dealing with an issue for over a week now that I never imagined having to deal with, and to protect me and my business I won't go into too much detail. What I will say is that being held to the fire is not fun, but it makes you stronger.
Going through this time has not only been a huge learning experience, but also a reminder. I have learned that I'm stronger than I thought, and that I can overcome hard things. I have been reminded that I am not alone. I have an amazing support system - my husband, family, and friends. And I am worthy.
Unfortunately, we all have to deal with things in life that are hard. Just remember, you know who you are - and you are worthy. Never let anyone make you feel less than.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, now that you all know a bit of what's been going on...time to get real. I have officially packed on 30 pounds since August of last year (umm...gross). I live in leggings because they are the only pants that stretch over my butt. I put my hair in a ponytail every day because I don't care (and I'm growing it out, I think). I'm tired all the time. I have no motivation to exercise or eat healthy. And I am exhausted.
What gives? I don't know. Between my day job and business, and everything else - I'm spread way too thin. I'm thinking a spa day and a vacation might do the trick, at least for a little while. I do know that I'm tired of not taking care of myself, and I'm tired of setting up personal challenges that I can't make time for. Maybe I should just wear a cape because then I could conquer everything??
I miss the days of making new recipes for healthy food. I miss the days of walking out the door in my spandex pants feeling like a rockstar. I miss my ME time. I miss relaxing. Somehow, I've got to get back in control of my health, and fast! I started going to my coach's outdoor boot camp, and my husband is going with me. If it weren't for him and my coach, I honestly probably wouldn't be working out at all.
So, until then...yall might not hear much from me. Cause I'm all over the place right now! I just hope something clicks soon, and I can get my motivation back. If yall have any advice to offer me with my current situation, I am ALL EARS!
Thanks for listening :)
My life went from a nice little routine all wrapped up in a pretty package to...a tornado. I used to get up, make protein pancakes, grab my pre-packed lunch and gym bags, and head to work. I'd work 8-5 M-F, then head straight to boot camp. After that, I'd have a protein shake on the way home, get home and cook supper, clean the kitchen, shower up, then relax and go to bed. Every day. Then, the weekends were for chilling, getting in another workout, cleaning house, and getting meals ready for the next week. That was it! Nice and simple! Then...I had the crazy idea to start my own business.
Starting a business has been a lifelong dream of mine, and I always knew it was just a matter of time before it happened. What I didn't know was how much it would change my world. Long gone are the days of a nice little routine, and long gone are the days of creating recipes, meal prep, and extra workouts. Every day is different, and every day has obstacles/successes of its own. I wake up late almost every day, and end up running out the door with either a cereal bar or no breakfast. I don't make time to pack lunches anymore, so I end up going to get fast food for lunch because I am in a hurry and have errands to run within that hour too. I don't go to boot camp anymore because I left that gym due to personal preferences (I did start a new workout though, more on that later). After I get home, I throw together supper with whatever I can find (lately it's been 50 cent frozen bean and cheese burritos). I don't care if the kitchen gets cleaned every night. And when I am done with all that, I have to work my business. I have emails, quotes, sketches, and orders to take care of. After that, I sit on the couch for about an hour of tv time, where I usually sack out and wake up with my mouth open. Then, I go to bed just to wake up and do it all over again. Some days, I have photoshoots. Some days, I have huge weddings that entail crazy tasks. Some days, I am on my feet for over 18 hours working on putting together flowers for my brides. Some days, I only get 3 hours of sleep. Some days, I only have one meal.
People ask me all the time - how do you do it?! Well, for one thing - I have come to realize that owning and operating my own floral design studio is what I have been called to do. Second, I can't quit my day job because of all of the benefits and the steady paycheck. So, for now - this is my life. Work, work, and work. I'd love to say that one day the madness will stop, but I'm not so sure.
Am I grateful to be chasing my dreams and know my purpose (one of them) in life? YES! Does that mean it's easy peasy and all rainbows? Heck NO. It's hard! You have to be tough to be a business owner. You have to be able to stand your ground and remain firm in your decisions. You have to keep your cool at all times, be flexible, and make things work when they seem impossible. You have to face your fears when you are scared to death, and you have to keep moving forward. I have been dealt some pretty dadgum amazing cards so far with my business, but I have also been dealt some tough ones. I have been dealing with an issue for over a week now that I never imagined having to deal with, and to protect me and my business I won't go into too much detail. What I will say is that being held to the fire is not fun, but it makes you stronger.
Unfortunately, we all have to deal with things in life that are hard. Just remember, you know who you are - and you are worthy. Never let anyone make you feel less than.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So, now that you all know a bit of what's been going on...time to get real. I have officially packed on 30 pounds since August of last year (umm...gross). I live in leggings because they are the only pants that stretch over my butt. I put my hair in a ponytail every day because I don't care (and I'm growing it out, I think). I'm tired all the time. I have no motivation to exercise or eat healthy. And I am exhausted.
What gives? I don't know. Between my day job and business, and everything else - I'm spread way too thin. I'm thinking a spa day and a vacation might do the trick, at least for a little while. I do know that I'm tired of not taking care of myself, and I'm tired of setting up personal challenges that I can't make time for. Maybe I should just wear a cape because then I could conquer everything??
I miss the days of making new recipes for healthy food. I miss the days of walking out the door in my spandex pants feeling like a rockstar. I miss my ME time. I miss relaxing. Somehow, I've got to get back in control of my health, and fast! I started going to my coach's outdoor boot camp, and my husband is going with me. If it weren't for him and my coach, I honestly probably wouldn't be working out at all.
So, until then...yall might not hear much from me. Cause I'm all over the place right now! I just hope something clicks soon, and I can get my motivation back. If yall have any advice to offer me with my current situation, I am ALL EARS!
Thanks for listening :)
Thursday, March 12, 2015
My First DietBet Challenge!!!
So if you saw my post the other day, you saw me mention something about starting a DietBet. Here is some more information:
The pot is already up to $140!! This is a really fun way to shed that winter coat and start getting ready for the summer yall! :) Because my coach is awesome, she is going to donate a FREE 4 week custom meal plan to my MVP (person who invites the most people)!!
So, if you want to hop on board with us and need some extra motivation to keep going over the next month - sign up here: http://diet.bt/1Kftqm :)
Competition starts on Monday, 3/16 and goes on for 4 weeks!!!
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
29...I Don't Like You Very Much
So far, I don't like being 29. I got sick the day after my birthday, hurt my back bending over to pick up dirty clothes, and have been exhausted. Not exactly my idea of fun. My nose ran so much on Sunday that I went through two boxes of kleenex and resorted to carrying around a roll of paper towels with me. Nice. After watching The Hunger Games, I decided I should probably just take a nap...which ended up lasting 3 hours. I woke myself up running in place because I was dreaming about boot camp. I had a dream that my old coach came back, and she wanted all of us to wear ankle weights and run in place. So I did...literally. I must say, it was a pretty funny way to wake up. I spent the rest of the afternoon resting and thinking about the old me. How I used to eat, how I used to have so much energy, how I used to feel comfortable...and I made a decision. I decided that it's time to cut the crap and go back to eating healthier. Instead of just saying it, I'm taking it a step further and starting a challenge - The 180 Day FluffBuster Challenge. How do ya like that name? ;)
To kick things off, I am hosting a DietBet Game. It will start on 3/16 and last 4 weeks. All you have to do is: pay $35 to join, lose 4% of your body weight in 28 days, and you win money! For example, if you weight 200 pounds, you will need to lose 8 pounds in order to win.
Invite your friends because the more people who join, the bigger the pot, and the bigger your potential prize! :)
What better way to kickstart your success right? Just click here: http://diet.bt/1Kftqm to join. Be sure to sign up by 3/15 to make sure you can participate.
During this challenge, I plan on posting a new recipe every 2 weeks on top of keeping myself accountable by posting about my workouts and eating! I know you are looking forward to the sweaty selfies and whining about burpees alllll the time.... right?? ;) *sarcasm folks*
You may be wondering why in the world I am doing this. Well, the answer is...I'm sick of feeling gross. Is it easier to say I'm too busy and just go for junk food? Absolutely. Is it worth it in the long run? Heck no. Letting my excuses hold me back has brought me right back to where I started all of this in the first place and THEN SOME. I feel gross, ugly, tired, and have zero confidence. I got on the scale this morning and saw a number I haven't seen in years. 170. Yep, I said it. One hundred seventy smackaroos. No, I'm not shocked to see this number because I haven't cared enough to do anything to change it. But I am extremely pissed at myself about it. It's so easy to float along that river of denial and think "oh, one cheeseburger isn't THAT bad...skipping a few days of boot camp isn't THAT bad...this one beer isn't THAT bad...these cupcakes aren't THAT bad..." then you pull your head out of the water and realize well crap, it IS THAT BAD!!!!!
So, instead of waiting on my life to slow down (because it obviously isn't), I'm doing this to get back control of myself, my eating habits, my health, and my happiness. My husband is in the same boat as me, so he is starting this with me too. If you're out there and reading this, thinking hey...maybe I should jump in with her, then come on!! It always helps to have a support system when you are working towards a goal, so let's encourage eachother to start living a healthier lifestyle!
You've got the whole week to prepare yourself, just like me. Time to clean out all the junk food from your kitchen, get some new workout gear, and start telling yourself that you can do this! :)
To kick things off, I am hosting a DietBet Game. It will start on 3/16 and last 4 weeks. All you have to do is: pay $35 to join, lose 4% of your body weight in 28 days, and you win money! For example, if you weight 200 pounds, you will need to lose 8 pounds in order to win.
Invite your friends because the more people who join, the bigger the pot, and the bigger your potential prize! :)
What better way to kickstart your success right? Just click here: http://diet.bt/1Kftqm to join. Be sure to sign up by 3/15 to make sure you can participate.
During this challenge, I plan on posting a new recipe every 2 weeks on top of keeping myself accountable by posting about my workouts and eating! I know you are looking forward to the sweaty selfies and whining about burpees alllll the time.... right?? ;) *sarcasm folks*
You may be wondering why in the world I am doing this. Well, the answer is...I'm sick of feeling gross. Is it easier to say I'm too busy and just go for junk food? Absolutely. Is it worth it in the long run? Heck no. Letting my excuses hold me back has brought me right back to where I started all of this in the first place and THEN SOME. I feel gross, ugly, tired, and have zero confidence. I got on the scale this morning and saw a number I haven't seen in years. 170. Yep, I said it. One hundred seventy smackaroos. No, I'm not shocked to see this number because I haven't cared enough to do anything to change it. But I am extremely pissed at myself about it. It's so easy to float along that river of denial and think "oh, one cheeseburger isn't THAT bad...skipping a few days of boot camp isn't THAT bad...this one beer isn't THAT bad...these cupcakes aren't THAT bad..." then you pull your head out of the water and realize well crap, it IS THAT BAD!!!!!
So, instead of waiting on my life to slow down (because it obviously isn't), I'm doing this to get back control of myself, my eating habits, my health, and my happiness. My husband is in the same boat as me, so he is starting this with me too. If you're out there and reading this, thinking hey...maybe I should jump in with her, then come on!! It always helps to have a support system when you are working towards a goal, so let's encourage eachother to start living a healthier lifestyle!
You've got the whole week to prepare yourself, just like me. Time to clean out all the junk food from your kitchen, get some new workout gear, and start telling yourself that you can do this! :)
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