Well, I officially
conquered a huge fear of mine on Saturday – running a half marathon. This was also one of my New Year’s
Resolutions...check! It was the most
challenging, nerve-racking, exhausting, horrible, crazy, exciting thing I have
ever done.
I have never liked running, in fact...I think it pretty much sucks. I have always been really slow, and what takes some people a few minutes to finish always seems to take me forever. I've got short legs, and I've never called myself a "runner". That's why I signed up for a half-marathon, so I could prove to myself that I can be a runner and that I can conquer that huge fear that has been with me my whole life. I signed up in December, so I had a few months to get ready. Along with
boot camp 4 nights a week, I ran every weekend.
I started out with 3 miles and worked my way up all the way to 9
miles. No matter what was going on, I
made the time to run. I ran in the cold,
the dark, the sun, the rain, and the wind.
There was only one weekend that I gave myself a break and ran just a
couple miles.
The run I signed up for was the Zooma. It was at the Hyatt Regency Lost Pines Resort in Bastrop. Everyone was told to park at a place called Fast Park (used mostly for people who need to go to the airport), and then we were to ride a shuttle to the resort.
This was the course description from the website:
ZOOMA Texas lets you savor the splendor of spring wildflowers in the
Texas Hill Country, as you wind your way through 13.1 miles well outside
of the Austin city limits. Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush dance in
the waving grasses on either side of the quiet roadways that make up
this scenic race. For the last few miles of the half marathon, you’ll
traverse exclusively on the gorgeous grounds of the host property, the
Hyatt Regency Lost Pines Resort.
Given that the race is in Hill Country, there’s no getting away from
inclines and declines, but the course’s natural beauty and the race’s
all-women’s vibe will carry you along. The After-Party Expo, held under
a rustic wooden roof on a pavilion overlooking the river, is the ideal
location for sampling complimentary wine, shopping, checking your
results, and sharing laughs and memories with friends old and new.
Here's a map of the course:
The week leading up
to the run was pretty weird for me because I was super emotional. I had been planning on doing it for so
long, and it all hit me that it was coming up in just a matter of days. I stressed out, I doubted myself, I stuffed
my face, I couldn’t sleep well, and I was really anxious. My time to train was up, and there was
nothing I could do about it.
I went to bed at
about 10:00 the night before, and I woke up 4 times tossing and turning. My alarm went off at 4:30, and my husband had
to push me out of bed. I got dressed,
looked at myself in the mirror, and told myself I could do it. I got all my stuff, and we headed out. I ate a banana and had a quick protein shake
in the car along with some water. It
took us about 45 minutes to get to the parking lot, then we had to ride a shuttle
(school bus) to the resort. Once we got
inside, there were people everywhere...walking around, sitting in the hall,
waiting in line for the bathroom...so we decided to find a spot on the wall in
the hallway and chill. I ate another
banana and drank some more water. Before
I knew it, it was time to go to the Start line.
Even though I may not have shown it on the outside, I was freaking out
on the inside. Looking around, I saw all
these skinny people that looked like they had run a million marathons, some had
weird outfits on, some had crazy socks, some had wigs. Then there was me, sportin my “Little Miss
Won’t Give Up” tank, capris, and hydration vest. I stood by my hubby as long as I could, then
I had to go stand in line to get started.
They counted down from 3 minutes, and the whole time I was like holy
crap holy crap holy crap. I looked back
at my hubby one more time and waved, and he winked at me and smiled – then I
was off! There were cameras and people
all over the place, and it made me nervous but I just did my best to focus on
myself. People were passing me left and
right, but I didn’t let it affect my pace.
I was rockin and rollin, there were some hills but I was like I got
this! I ran up and down them and kept
going, then I started seeing monster hills.
I’m talkin, the kind you want to run up but can’t because they are too
steep. It pissed me off that I had to
walk up them because my goal was to run the whole time without walking. I told myself it was okay though, and when I
walked I made it a point to drink water.
Once some of those monster hills were over, I was really happy because I
started to feel like I was getting into my groove. I was enjoying the scenery and the flowers. I stayed ahead of the 2:30 pacers (pacers are
the people than run holding a stick with a number on top that shows how long it’s
going to take...they had pacers from 1:40 minutes on up). They caught up with me on about mile 7, and I
stayed with them as long as I could. But
the hills were insane. I could run about
¼ of the way up them, and then I had to walk.
I walked as fast as I could and took big strides to try and keep up with
my pace, and the more I did that the more I could feel my calves
stretching.
Finally, I came up
over a hill to a somewhat flatter stretch of road.
In the right lane, people were coming towards me (yeah, all those crazy
fast skinny people), and I was in the left lane...the one that looked like it
would never end. I couldn’t see the end
of the road or where the point was that we could turn around to go back, and I
didn’t like it. The sun started shining,
the humidity kicked in, and I felt like I was in a weird movie. Some people running looked like machines,
some looked like zombies, some looked like they were actually having fun. All I could think was when is this going to be over?! I started seeing things on the ground like
empty packages to sport beans and gels and stuff, and I started to wonder if
maybe I should have had some of that.
The only thing I had was a roll of Life Savers and water. I had read a couple days before that Life
Savers were supposed to help keep your mouth from getting dry, so I popped in a
couple of them. They didn’t help
anything, just made me want more water. I
finally came out of the never-ending stretch of road, and I knew I only had
about 3 miles left. I looked up, and I
saw more of what I had come to hate...hills. I
had noticed a few people stretching, so I thought maybe that was a good
idea. I went to the side and did a few
stretches then I went back to the road to start running again. A little ways down the road, I felt something
pull in my left calf that I have never felt before and I was like uhhhhhh what
the heck. So I went to the side again and
stretched my calves on a pole to a road sign.
I started walking and decided I was okay, and started running
again. I made it back to the parking
lot where we had started (the start and finish line were at the resort), and it pulled again. It made me
mad. So I ran more, thinking it would go away. The last few miles consisted of running
through a windy hilly golf course (that I’m sure was meant to be glorious and
beautiful, but to me it looked like torture).
My calves were killing me, my shins hurt, my lower back hurt, my knees
hurt, and my hips hurt. It got to the
point where if I even tried to run, I had to stop after a few steps because
everything was hurting.
I thought about a
trainer I had a few years ago that used to make us run outside, and how he
would literally push me and say “You ARE a runner!”...I thought about my first
coach in Austin, Eugene, telling me “I’m not always going to be there, you have
to learn how to push yourself.” ...I thought about all those mornings I got up
and ran in the cold when I didn’t want to... I thought about my husband and
parents waiting for me at the finish line... I thought about always being
behind everyone when running in middle school... I thought about everyone who
told me that they believed in me ...
...and then it
happened. I turned a corner, and both of
my legs gave up on me. I tried to bend
over to stretch, and both calves cramped up so bad that I had to sit down. I closed my eyes because I thought maybe no
one could see me (I know, sounds stupid now but at the time it made
sense). I opened them to look down at my
legs and both of my feet were pointing in different directions, and I couldn’t
move them. I freaked out. I started crying. I heard some girl say “Awww”. I heard a lady say “I just called the medic”. I heard a guy say “Do you want me to push on
your foot?”. Next thing I know, there’s
a random person pushing my feet towards me and another giving me a banana to
eat. The whole time I’m thinking, this
is NOT happening to me! I pulled myself
together, took a deep breath, and opened my eyes. The guy who had pushed on my feet asked if I
needed help getting up, and I told him thanks but I just need a minute. He said, “You got this” and disappeared. The lady who called the medic told me to stay
there and that they were on their way. I
said, “No, I’m going to finish this.” There was no way I was going to let someone carry me out of there after all of the time I had spent getting ready for this, I had less than a mile left, and it just wasn't going to happen. She looked at me like I was nuts, helped me up, and told me not to run
anymore. At this point I looked like the
freakin tin man from Wizard of Oz. I
could hardly bend my legs. I was hobbling,
and I was embarrassed. I was pissed off
at my legs, disappointed in myself, and I didn’t want anyone looking at
me. I didn’t want anyone’s pity, anyone
to feel sorry for me, or anyone to help me.
I was mad. This whole time, I had
been dreaming of this day. Dreaming of
sprinting across the finish line with my hands in the air, confetti falling all
over the place, and smiling. I knew that
wasn’t going to happen now. My finish time
had been ruined thanks to the last 2 miles, and I physically couldn’t run. I made it to the 13 mile mark, and I saw what
I had been looking for this whole time – an orange shirt. I knew that when I saw that orange shirt, it
meant it was my hubby and I was almost done.
I saw him, then I saw my dad.
They both walked with me to the finish line, where I saw my mom waiting
with her camera. Some guy on a
microphone called out my name and time, and there was a big camera in front of
me (the one that was supposed to capture my glorious finish moment). I didn’t look at it because I was a
wreck and didn't want my finish picture to be of me walking.
I saw a lady with medals and
grabbed one, put it around my neck, and then I laid on the grass. A
medic guy came up and said he wanted me to drink some salts. I was like what the heck? Salts?
He said it was supposed to help with cramps, dumped it into a cup that
had some lime flavored drink in it, and told me to imagine it was a margarita. So I drank it. Gross.
After that, I was just ready to leave.
I didn’t care about seeing any of the booths, checking out any of the
free stuff, or any of that mess. I just wanted
to go. My hubby and parents all told me
how they were proud of me and loved me, and they gave me hugs even though I
smelled bad and was drenched in sweat. Somehow, I managed to smile for one picture...
So, there you have it...my first experience running a half marathon. Will I ever do it again? If you had asked me two days ago I would have said NEVER AGAIN!!!!! But...I have actually been contemplating signing up for another one...just so I can redeem myself. I guess I really am a little crazy, who knows. What I do know is that if I ever run another half marathon, I am going to be WAY more prepared. I'll be readin up on all this stuff about salts and sport beans and gel and carb loading and such before I ever do anything like that again.
Am I disappointed? Well yeah, but more than anything...I'm proud of myself. I was scared to death, I got hurt, and I could have quit real easy...but I didn't. I had a goal to cross the finish line after 13.1 miles, and I DID IT! You can't always control your circumstances and what happens to you, but you can control your attitude and how you look at things. In the end...I finished what I started...
...all because I wouldn't give up.
