So, I've got lots going on in my little world right now. My life has been pretty crazy since January. My emotions have been all over the place, and my daily routine went out the window. I started my job as a government employee in March of 2013...working 8-5, M-F, as an Administrative Associate. It provided stability, an opportunity to have a steady routine, benefits, and a dependable paycheck. I made some friends that will most likely be around forever, learned a lot about myself, and grew both professionally and personally. Since I knew my routine, I knew I could add in a workout routine. So I did. I went to bootcamp after work about 4 days a week, and on Saturdays. I lost a lot of weight, gained a lot of muscle, and changed from the inside out. Pretty soon, I started getting an empty feeling - like something wasn't being fulfilled, I just didn't know what.
I had a conversation with my Dad one day that changed everything. We were at my sister's house, painting the nursery for her second kiddo, and we were talking about my passion as a floral designer. You see, I went through 4 years of college at Texas A&M (who8p!) and graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Horticulture, with a Minor in Business. My lifelong dream has been to be an entrepreneur, owning and operating my own floral design studio specializing in weddings and events. I have half-heartedly tried several times, but never really believed in myself enough to do it. While painting that day, my Dad said, "What are you waiting for?". I didn't have an answer. A few months later, I was applying for a sales tax ID, brainstorming business names, looking at websites, and taking the steps to start a business. And I did. My husband and I had a mason jar that we had been putting money into to save up for having a baby, and we decided that I should use that money to start a business instead. So, we bought a portable building that would become my studio, business cards, a website, and a few other essentials. I signed up for my first Bridal Extravaganza a few months later, and had my very first booth in September to help kick things off. I asked a dear friend from boot camp to come help me work the booth, and it was so incredibly fun! I started getting phone calls, emails started flooding in, and business started to pick up. Pretty soon, I was booking weddings left and right, working on quotes and design sketches, and meeting new people. It was so exciting!!! I couldn't believe that people actually wanted ME, little old me, to do their flowers on their wedding days. Crazy.
As business grew from a part-time job to a full-time job, all of my spare time started growing thin. I stopped working out because when I got off of work, I had to go home and work on quotes and get caught up on emails. My weekends weren't for relaxing and having fun any more, they were for working and weddings. I started getting stressed out...really stressed out. So, I started eating...and drinking. I stopped taking care of myself. Business continued to thrive, but I was becoming someone I didn't like. Constantly stressed, irritable, and exhausted. I gained almost 50 pounds, lost my sense of confidence, and myself. Going to work full-time in an administrative position on top of running my business became TOO MUCH. I knew something had to give. So, I started thinking...what if I quit my full-time job?
Whenever I would think about leaving my full-time job, it scared me - so I would brush it off. Then people started asking me, "so, when are you going to quit your job and just run your business?". I'd just tell them I didn't know, because I didn't. The thought of leaving that steady paycheck, the retirement, the benefits, and the sense of security was not something I thought was actually possible. But things kept happening. Emails started flooding in more than ever, brides kept booking right when I was beginning to doubt myself, photographers kept asking me to participate in photoshoots, and I kept noticing signs while out and about that said things like "Life is short. Do what you love.". The burden of working two full-time jobs started to weigh heavily on me more than ever. I tried to ignore the thought of leaving my government job, but I just couldn't ignore it any longer. I needed a plan, a strategy to escape the concrete castle, a way to get out from behind that desk. I reached out to a dear friend and mentor of mine, Karen, the owner of Blonde Faith Salon. For some reason, she had been on my mind so I sent her a message asking for business advice. A few days later, my husband and I were at a nice restaurant with her and her husband...discussing my business. It was lifechanging. We put everything on paper, looked at the numbers, how my time was being spent, the potential, and all of the possibilities. They both asked me, "What is it that you're afraid of?". Really, I was afraid of losing the steady paycheck. But, after looking at how my time was being spent and seeing how leaving my government job would give me 40 more hours a week to work on my business and potentially double my income...my mind was made up. I knew what I had to do.
I woke up the next morning feeling invigorated. It was like the clouds had parted, and I could SEE.
After lots of prayer and thoroughly discussing everything with my husband, my parents, and a few close friends - I wrote my resignation letter. I knew it was going to be difficult to submit, but it needed to happen. So, I went to my supervisor's office, closed the door, and the first thing she said was, "you're not quitting." We talked for a long time over the next few days, discussing things like pay, my schedule, and everything I was risking. I talked with my boss as well, discussing the same things. It was a rough few days. I ate a lot. I drank. I cried. I was sad. After thinking about it all just ONE more time, I knew what I was doing was right. So, I let them know that I was going to continue with my resignation. I will be working as a government employee until July 31. Then, I will be free.
Free to fly. Free to grow. Free to do whatever the heck I want to do. The thought of waking up when I choose, making my own schedule, and working when I feel like it is exciting and scary all at once. It's exciting because the possibilities are endless, but scary because I know myself and my habits. I will be at home, alone, a lot more. I will be tempted to sleep in, eat junk, lounge on the couch, and be lazy. On the flip-side...what's awesome is that I will have control of my schedule.
If I want to go workout for 2 hours every day, I can. This is my time. My time to grow, time to learn, time to LIVE. You'd better believe that I will be putting myself back together, piece by piece, and becoming a better and stronger person not only for myself but for my husband, family, and clients. It's going to take a lot of self-discipline to work from home, but I can do it. I believe in myself. Over the next few weeks, I am going to be rearranging some furniture, getting organized, and turning our spare bedroom into an office.
While there are several huge risks involved in taking this step, I know in my heart that I am doing what God wants me to do. Too many things have happened leading up to this that can only be explained by Him. This is completely out of my comfort zone and although I'm scared out of my mind about lots of things, I keep waking up in the mornings excited...about the limitless possibilities and the adventure I am about to embark on!!! No, I don't have all the answers, but the man upstairs does. I know it won't be sunshine and rainbows all the time, and I know I've got some obstacles ahead. I also know that I've got an amazing support system.
So I am taking a huge leap of faith, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter of life! Wish me luck! Oh, and if you want to see what I do - click here.
PS - if there are any angel investors out there...here's my email: kelli@sweetwaterstems.com ...just sayin ;)
