You're Addicted to WHAT?

I know this may sound silly because most people are addicted to things like alcohol or drugs, but it IS totally possible to have a food addiction – trust me, I know!  I got an invitation through email at work to attend a webinar about food addiction at the beginning of this year, and I decided what the heck, I'll listen in on it.  Let me just tell y'all – it was seriously scary!  Not because of the content, but because it made me realize that I used to have a real problem.

I’m about to share some things with y'all that a lot of people don’t know about me.  Don't get too excited, it's nothing crazy!  Drum roll................I used to be a food addict.  My days were focused and planned all around food.  When it was time for my lunch break at work, I would go to a drive through and load up on food.  I’d go to Sonic and get an extra-long chili-cheese coney, an order of cheese sticks, a large cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper, and cheesecake bites with caramel sauce.  Or I would go to Taco Bell, and I would get 6 crunchy tacos, 2 double deckers, 2 orders of nacho cheese, and a large Root Beer.  Or I would go to KFC and get a mashed potato bowl, an order of macaroni and cheese, 2 biscuits, and a large Sweet Tea.  You name it, I went there.  After I had loaded up on my food of choice, I would go find an empty parking lot and park under a tree in a corner so I could hide.  I would stuff my face as fast as possible because I didn't want anyone to see the amount of food I was consuming.  After I was done, I would go to a gas station or the Dollar Store and buy a bag of candy – usually Snickers bites, Reese’s, or Skittles.  I would shove it in my purse so nobody would know that I had secret plans to eat it all afternoon while sitting at my desk.  After getting off work, going home, and putting on my stretchy pants – I would eat supper.  This usually consisted of something quick and easy - pizza, fast food, etc.  Then I would park my rear on the couch and wait.  I would wait for my husband to go to bed so I could grab the can of frosting I had stashed on the top shelf of the refrigerator behind the butter where he couldn't see it.  I would grab a spoon, crack it open, sit on the couch, and eat it.  By the spoonful.  Usually half a can and sometimes even a whole can at a time.  After I had eaten myself into oblivion, I would hide what was left of the frosting back in the fridge so I could have a date with it again the next night.  Sometimes, I’d even have a glass of wine or beer with my late-night food rendezvous.  Then I would go to bed, just so I could wake up and do it all over again the next day.  Hey, don’t judge.

I have no idea why I continued to do that to myself.  I hated who I was, how I looked, how I felt, and what I was doing.  I guess stuffing my feelings down with food was my answer to coping with my problems.  But after I would eat, I would feel guilty and just eat more because it made me feel better.  Turns out, I had all the tell-tale signs of food addiction:

• binge even when you aren't hungry
• eat faster than normal
• eat alone due to shame and embarrassment
• feel guilty due to overeating
• preoccupied with your weight
• suffer from depression and frequent mood swings
• aware that your eating pattern is not normal, but do it anyway
• history of weight fluctuations
• withdrawal from activities due to embarrassment of weight
• history of many unsuccessful diets
• low self-esteem
• urge to eat greater amounts

Yup.  All of the above USED to describe who I was to a T.  But not anymore.  Even though the fluffy girl inside me rears her big ole fat head when sweets, chicken fried steaks, rolls, and nachos appear – I am very proud to say that I am no longer a food addict!  I don’t depend on food to make me happy anymore; I depend on food to fuel my body for the day.  Did I just say that?  Yep, I did.  Totally "that" girl.  

If you suffer from food addiction or binging, go check out my awesome coach/friend/trainer lady’s blog by clicking here.  She knows her stuff and has some great ways to help you think about food in a different way.

Life outside of food addiction is gloooorious!  I have energy, confidence, and the desire to do things and wear things (like yoga pants and leggings, what!) that I used to be afraid of.  Who knew that getting my eating habits under control could make such a difference in my overall happiness?  I feel like a new person, and the burden of food no longer weighs on me.  I choose what I eat now, I don’t let food control me.  No, I'm not on a diet, and I don't restrict myself.  I choose what I put in my face for a reason, not because I "can" or "can't".

If you need help, want to know more, or have questions, please don't hesitate to shoot me a message!  I don't bite, and I won't judge you!  My email is losingfluffwithkelli@gmail.com.  :) 

Stay tuned for my EXCITING news I have to announce next week!!!!!!

What Motivates YOU?

A few days ago, I had just finished getting my butt kicked in boot camp.  I was dripping in sweat, feeling like I was about to just keel over at any moment, when one of my friends asked me where I lived.  After I told her, she asked how long it took me to get home from boot camp, and I said about 40-45 minutes.  She then said, “That takes dedication!”  I just smiled.  After getting in my car, eating my banana, spilling my protein shake on myself like I usually do, and texting my hubs to tell him I was on my way home, I started driving.  I thought about what my friend had said the entire way home, and I realized – man, I guess I really am dedicated...maybe with a  little touch of crazy.

I am a very strong-willed person, and once I set my mind to something, it ain’t over till it’s over.  Behind my strong will is a little something called my motivation.  I have spent many of my years trying and failing to lose weight.  I would get started and get going strong then lose steam and quit.  Then I’d get mad at myself, start over again, and quit again.  I have even done that recently – started in February of 2013, quit in August of 2013, and started AGAIN in January of 2014 (yes, I am aware that January was just a month ago).  My journey has in no way been perfect, but through the successes and the struggles – I have realized that things are different now.  I’m no longer doing this for a “quick fix” or “just for a few months” – I am doing this for a lifetime.  There is no date where I plan on stopping, no week where I plan to take a break, and no event that I plan on allowing to hinder me. 

“How do you stay so motivated?” – this is a question I get asked frequently, and my answer is always, “I just do!” ... Well, there is a lot more to it than that.  My motivation has been a long time comin, but it all hit me at once in 2013.  I lost a really good friend, my grandpa, and my grandma.  To this day, I still don’t understand it, but not everything is up to me to understand.  Losing so many loved ones in such a short time frame has forced me to re-evaluate everything in my life.  I started questioning myself about things...Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing?  Am I truly happy with who I am?  What do I really want?  How would I want to be remembered?  Does this really matter in the big picture?  What’s really important to me?

When I started in February of last year, it was because I was uncomfortable in my own skin.  I wanted to feel better.  I stuck with it until August, and thought I needed a break.  Stress was getting to me, and all I wanted to do was crawl under a rock and hide from the world.  So I did just that.  While hiding under my rock, I proceeded to stuff my face, drink beer, and gain back everything I had worked so hard to lose.  After deciding I was sick of hiding under my rock, I gathered up the courage to start boot camp again in January.  But this time it was different.  I didn’t decide to start again because I felt uncomfortable (yes, it was one of the reasons), but I started over again for a whole new set of reasons:

1.       I had lost my self-esteem and confidence, and I needed to get it back.

2.      I was unhappy with myself.  I knew what I was supposed to be doing to get healthy, and I wasn’t doing it.

3.      I was letting the opinions of others cloud my thoughts and make me think my goals were unattainable and unrealistic.    I needed to prove to myself that I can achieve my goals.

4.      I did not like the fact that I was slipping back into old habits – fast food, pajama pants, and couch time.  I missed my workout clothes and brussels sprouts.

5.      I only get one life.  Why spend it being someone I’m not?

The bottom line is, I have learned that LIFE IS SHORT.  I don’t want to spend it hiding, uncomfortable with myself, and wishing I was different.  I want to be healthy, and I want to be happy with the girl in the mirror. 

Health and fitness is something that I never thought would be a big part of my life.  I used to look at girls and think, “ugh, spandex pants?” – now, I am one of them.  Granted, I may not look as great in my tight pants as some other people but who cares.  That’s beside the point.  :) The point is, having a strong motivation is essential.  If you have motivation - you have determination, and if you have both of those – YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!  If you've never seriously thought that you can be different than you always have been, then you are just holding yourself back.  You are allowed to change, you are allowed to be unique, and you are allowed to fly.

So what motivates you?  Are you still waiting on that perfect moment to get motivated? 

Guess what - the only time you have is right now.  Do you want to look back and wish you had done all those things you’ve always wanted, or do you want to look back and be happy with what you have accomplished?  

Find what motivates you, cling onto it for dear life, and get to work!