You Don't Have to be Perfect

You know those “ah-ha” moments you have sometimes when you feel like a light just came on?  Yeah, totally just had one.  I have spent the past two weeks stressed out about everything under the sun...how I’m going to make my new business successful, upcoming road trips, bills, work deadlines, etc.  All that stress has made me turn to my old buddy...FOOD.  Instead of dealing with the stress, all I want to do is stuff it down with chocolate and macaroni and cheese...which I did, a few times.  And what happens when I do that?  I get fat.  I gain weight.  I feel like crap.  Soooo, to fix it...what do I do?  Eat more or drink!  And guess what that does?  Makes me feel like crap.  I get fatter.  I gain more weight.  Boot camp kills me.  Ew.

This morning I realized something...  I put WAY too much pressure on myself!!!!!!  I’m a “git er dun” kinda person, so before I’m even done with one thing, my mind is already moving on to the next thing.  I like to get things done, to a T, and fast.  

Example...we live in the country, and our trash service requires that we take our trash cans to the end of the road (which is a good mile or so from our place).  So, we decided that paying for that was stupid and that we would take care of the trash ourselves.  Sometimes we take bags to work, sometimes we put them in the back of the truck and wait till it’s not windy so we can just burn them in the field (call it redneck if ya want, everwhat).  Well, we had about 4 bags that had accumulated in the back of the truck, and I was determined that we needed to take care of them NOW.  I didn’t care if it was windy.  So, we went outside and burned them.  The entire time...my husband was in a tizzy and about to have a panic attack because the wind was just whippin stuff all up into the air, so he was afraid we were going to cause a grass fire.  I remember thinking to myself...wow, I am really stressing him out by wantin to burn this stupid trash.  After that, we took the push-mower to my parents’ house (we had borrowed it a few weeks ago).  When we dropped it off, I told Mom that we needed it back next weekend because we needed to mow really bad.  A couple days later, she asked me why we HAD to have it this weekend.  I told her that our grass looked like a dadgum pasture and that we had to take care of it NOW.  When I got home that night, I remember stopping to look at the grass and thinking...man, that grass isn’t as tall as I thought it was.  Then last night, I got home and was talkin my poor hubby’s ears off about all the stuff I have comin up that I need to get done, and he just looked at me and said, “I think we can procrastinate on all we have to do for one more night.”  

My point is...sometimes, things are just gonna have to wait.  I spend too much of my time spinnin my wheels worrying about doin this or that, trying to be perfect while I'm at it, and not enough time slowing down to enjoy the little things.  It makes me stress out, want to eat junk, and lose myself in the madness.  Yes, life is going to be a little nuts at times, but it’s not up to me to take care of it all RIGHT NOW.  And I don’t have to be perfect all the time.  Trying to be perfect only leads to disappointment (cause duh...nobody is perfect), which leads to more stress, more junk food, more fat, and more ew.  Not a fun cycle.  

 

So, I am done with expecting myself to be perfect and puttin all that pressure on myself.  I’m going to make mistakes sometimes, I’m going to gain weight sometimes, and I’m going to eat junk sometimes.  And I’m okay with that.  Why?  Because I’m human and it’s allowed.  

My journey to getting healthy and fit does not have a finish line (sure wish it did, but it doesn’t).  I know that I will never be “done” with it because it’s a way of life.  Some weeks I will feel like a rockstar, and some weeks I will feel like a turtle crawlin through the mud.  Either way, I WILL KEEP GOING!

NEVER GIVE UP...you can screw up, go slow, and struggle...remember, success comes one step at a time - you just gotta keep on steppin!!!

My First Half Marathon

Well, I officially conquered a huge fear of mine on Saturday – running a half marathon.  This was also one of my New Year’s Resolutions...check!  It was the most challenging, nerve-racking, exhausting, horrible, crazy, exciting thing I have ever done.  

I have never liked running, in fact...I think it pretty much sucks.  I have always been really slow, and what takes some people a few minutes to finish always seems to take me forever.  I've got short legs, and I've never called myself a "runner".  That's why I signed up for a half-marathon, so I could prove to myself that I can be a runner and that I can conquer that huge fear that has been with me my whole life.  I signed up in December, so I had a few months to get ready.  Along with boot camp 4 nights a week, I ran every weekend.  I started out with 3 miles and worked my way up all the way to 9 miles.  No matter what was going on, I made the time to run.  I ran in the cold, the dark, the sun, the rain, and the wind.  There was only one weekend that I gave myself a break and ran just a couple miles. 

The run I signed up for was the Zooma.  It was at the Hyatt Regency Lost Pines Resort in Bastrop.  Everyone was told to park at a place called Fast Park (used mostly for people who need to go to the airport), and then we were to ride a shuttle to the resort.  

This was the course description from the website: 

ZOOMA Texas lets you savor the splendor of spring wildflowers in the Texas Hill Country, as you wind your way through 13.1 miles well outside of the Austin city limits. Bluebonnets and Indian Paintbrush dance in the waving grasses on either side of the quiet roadways that make up this scenic race.  For the last few miles of the half marathon, you’ll traverse exclusively on the gorgeous grounds of the host property, the Hyatt Regency Lost Pines Resort.

Given that the race is in Hill Country, there’s no getting away from inclines and declines, but the course’s natural beauty and the race’s all-women’s vibe will carry you along.  The After-Party Expo, held under a rustic wooden roof on a pavilion overlooking the river, is the ideal location for sampling complimentary wine, shopping, checking your results, and sharing laughs and memories with friends old and new.

Here's a map of the course:

The week leading up to the run was pretty weird for me because I was super emotional.  I had been planning on doing it for so long, and it all hit me that it was coming up in just a matter of days.  I stressed out, I doubted myself, I stuffed my face, I couldn’t sleep well, and I was really anxious.  My time to train was up, and there was nothing I could do about it. 

I went to bed at about 10:00 the night before, and I woke up 4 times tossing and turning.  My alarm went off at 4:30, and my husband had to push me out of bed.  I got dressed, looked at myself in the mirror, and told myself I could do it.  I got all my stuff, and we headed out.  I ate a banana and had a quick protein shake in the car along with some water.  It took us about 45 minutes to get to the parking lot, then we had to ride a shuttle (school bus) to the resort.  Once we got inside, there were people everywhere...walking around, sitting in the hall, waiting in line for the bathroom...so we decided to find a spot on the wall in the hallway and chill.  I ate another banana and drank some more water.  Before I knew it, it was time to go to the Start line.  Even though I may not have shown it on the outside, I was freaking out on the inside.  Looking around, I saw all these skinny people that looked like they had run a million marathons, some had weird outfits on, some had crazy socks, some had wigs.  Then there was me, sportin my “Little Miss Won’t Give Up” tank, capris, and hydration vest.  I stood by my hubby as long as I could, then I had to go stand in line to get started.   

They counted down from 3 minutes, and the whole time I was like holy crap holy crap holy crap.  I looked back at my hubby one more time and waved, and he winked at me and smiled – then I was off!  There were cameras and people all over the place, and it made me nervous but I just did my best to focus on myself.  People were passing me left and right, but I didn’t let it affect my pace.  I was rockin and rollin, there were some hills but I was like I got this!  I ran up and down them and kept going, then I started seeing monster hills.  I’m talkin, the kind you want to run up but can’t because they are too steep.  It pissed me off that I had to walk up them because my goal was to run the whole time without walking.  I told myself it was okay though, and when I walked I made it a point to drink water.  Once some of those monster hills were over, I was really happy because I started to feel like I was getting into my groove.  I was enjoying the scenery and the flowers.  I stayed ahead of the 2:30 pacers (pacers are the people than run holding a stick with a number on top that shows how long it’s going to take...they had pacers from 1:40 minutes on up).  They caught up with me on about mile 7, and I stayed with them as long as I could.  But the hills were insane.  I could run about ¼ of the way up them, and then I had to walk.  I walked as fast as I could and took big strides to try and keep up with my pace, and the more I did that the more I could feel my calves stretching.  

Finally, I came up over a hill to a somewhat flatter stretch of road.  In the right lane, people were coming towards me (yeah, all those crazy fast skinny people), and I was in the left lane...the one that looked like it would never end.  I couldn’t see the end of the road or where the point was that we could turn around to go back, and I didn’t like it.  The sun started shining, the humidity kicked in, and I felt like I was in a weird movie.  Some people running looked like machines, some looked like zombies, some looked like they were actually having fun.  All I could think was when is this going to be over?!  I started seeing things on the ground like empty packages to sport beans and gels and stuff, and I started to wonder if maybe I should have had some of that.  The only thing I had was a roll of Life Savers and water.  I had read a couple days before that Life Savers were supposed to help keep your mouth from getting dry, so I popped in a couple of them.  They didn’t help anything, just made me want more water.  I finally came out of the never-ending stretch of road, and I knew I only had about 3 miles left.  I looked up, and I saw more of what I had come to hate...hills.  I had noticed a few people stretching, so I thought maybe that was a good idea.  I went to the side and did a few stretches then I went back to the road to start running again.  A little ways down the road, I felt something pull in my left calf that I have never felt before and I was like uhhhhhh what the heck.  So I went to the side again and stretched my calves on a pole to a road sign.  I started walking and decided I was okay, and started running again.  I made it back to the parking lot where we had started (the start and finish line were at the resort), and it pulled again.  It made me mad.  So I ran more, thinking it would go away.  The last few miles consisted of running through a windy hilly golf course (that I’m sure was meant to be glorious and beautiful, but to me it looked like torture).  My calves were killing me, my shins hurt, my lower back hurt, my knees hurt, and my hips hurt.  It got to the point where if I even tried to run, I had to stop after a few steps because everything was hurting.  

I thought about a trainer I had a few years ago that used to make us run outside, and how he would literally push me and say “You ARE a runner!”...I thought about my first coach in Austin, Eugene, telling me “I’m not always going to be there, you have to learn how to push yourself.” ...I thought about all those mornings I got up and ran in the cold when I didn’t want to... I thought about my husband and parents waiting for me at the finish line... I thought about always being behind everyone when running in middle school... I thought about everyone who told me that they believed in me ... 

...and then it happened.  I turned a corner, and both of my legs gave up on me.  I tried to bend over to stretch, and both calves cramped up so bad that I had to sit down.  I closed my eyes because I thought maybe no one could see me (I know, sounds stupid now but at the time it made sense).  I opened them to look down at my legs and both of my feet were pointing in different directions, and I couldn’t move them.  I freaked out.  I started crying.  I heard some girl say “Awww”.  I heard a lady say “I just called the medic”.  I heard a guy say “Do you want me to push on your foot?”.  Next thing I know, there’s a random person pushing my feet towards me and another giving me a banana to eat.  The whole time I’m thinking, this is NOT happening to me!  I pulled myself together, took a deep breath, and opened my eyes.  The guy who had pushed on my feet asked if I needed help getting up, and I told him thanks but I just need a minute.  He said, “You got this” and disappeared.  The lady who called the medic told me to stay there and that they were on their way.  I said, “No, I’m going to finish this.”  There was no way I was going to let someone carry me out of there after all of the time I had spent getting ready for this, I had less than a mile left, and it just wasn't going to happen.  She looked at me like I was nuts, helped me up, and told me not to run anymore.  At this point I looked like the freakin tin man from Wizard of Oz.  I could hardly bend my legs.  I was hobbling, and I was embarrassed.  I was pissed off at my legs, disappointed in myself, and I didn’t want anyone looking at me.  I didn’t want anyone’s pity, anyone to feel sorry for me, or anyone to help me.  I was mad.  This whole time, I had been dreaming of this day.  Dreaming of sprinting across the finish line with my hands in the air, confetti falling all over the place, and smiling.  I knew that wasn’t going to happen now.  My finish time had been ruined thanks to the last 2 miles, and I physically couldn’t run.  I made it to the 13 mile mark, and I saw what I had been looking for this whole time – an orange shirt.  I knew that when I saw that orange shirt, it meant it was my hubby and I was almost done.  I saw him, then I saw my dad.  They both walked with me to the finish line, where I saw my mom waiting with her camera.  Some guy on a microphone called out my name and time, and there was a big camera in front of me (the one that was supposed to capture my glorious finish moment).  I didn’t look at it because I was a wreck and didn't want my finish picture to be of me walking.  

I saw a lady with medals and grabbed one, put it around my neck, and then I laid on the grass.  A medic guy came up and said he wanted me to drink some salts.  I was like what the heck?  Salts?  He said it was supposed to help with cramps, dumped it into a cup that had some lime flavored drink in it, and told me to imagine it was a margarita.  So I drank it.  Gross.  After that, I was just ready to leave.  I didn’t care about seeing any of the booths, checking out any of the free stuff, or any of that mess.  I just wanted to go.  My hubby and parents all told me how they were proud of me and loved me, and they gave me hugs even though I smelled bad and was drenched in sweat.  Somehow, I managed to smile for one picture...

 

So, there you have it...my first experience running a half marathon.  Will I ever do it again?  If you had asked me two days ago I would have said NEVER AGAIN!!!!!  But...I have actually been contemplating signing up for another one...just so I can redeem myself.  I guess I really am a little crazy, who knows.  What I do know is that if I ever run another half marathon, I am going to be WAY more prepared.  I'll be readin up on all this stuff about salts and sport beans and gel and carb loading and such before I ever do anything like that again.  

Am I disappointed?  Well yeah, but more than anything...I'm proud of myself.  I was scared to death, I got hurt, and I could have quit real easy...but I didn't.  I had a goal to cross the finish line after 13.1 miles, and I DID IT!  You can't always control your circumstances and what happens to you, but you can control your attitude and how you look at things.  In the end...I finished what I started...

...all because I wouldn't give up.

Sweet Potato Protein Muffins

Yesterday was the perfect day to experiment with a new recipe because it was raining and cold outside!  I wasn't sure how these muffins would turn out because I was winging it, but I LOVE them!  Here's how I made them:

First, get your ingredients together and preheat your oven to 350 degrees:

• 1 cup cooked and mashed sweet potato

• 1 banana

• 1/2 cup oats (grind up into oat flour)

• 1/4 cup sliced almonds

• 2 scoops Biotrust vanilla protein powder

• 1 tbsp. coconut flour

• 4 packets stevia

• 1 tsp. baking powder

• 1 tsp. cinnamon

• 1 whole egg

• 1 egg white

Next, go ahead and cook the sweet potato.  I just peeled mine, rinsed it off, stabbed it with a knife a few times (to let steam escape), wrapped it in a paper towel, and microwaved it for a few minutes until it was soft.  Once it's done, chop it up and let it cool.  Next, go ahead and mix together your dry ingredients.  Add your oat flour (just grind up oats into a fine powder), protein powder, coconut flour, stevia, baking powder, and cinnamon to a bowl and mix.

Next, mix up your liquids.  In a blender, add your cooled sweet potato, banana, egg, and egg white.  Blend it together until smooth.  Then, mix it in with your dry ingredients.  Once they are mixed well, you can toss in some of the sliced almonds - save a few to put on top of the muffins if you'd like.

Get out your muffin tin and spray with some non-stick spray.  Divide the batter evenly into each space.

Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes or until done.  I realized halfway in that I forgot to put almonds on top, oops!

You can eat them plain or add the topping of your choice!

I topped mine with some PB2 - delish!

Here's the nutritional breakdown per serving (makes 6 muffins):

• 126 calories

• 8g protein

• 17g carbs

• 4g fat

Enjoy!! :)

Cheesy Bacon McMuffins

Who needs McDonald's when you can make these?!  Hellllloooo delicious!  I know there are lots of variations on these little things out there, but this is the version I came up with.  My hubby actually made these while I supervised (that's how you do it ladies!).  :)  This is how you make them:

First, get all your ingredients together:  24 egg whites, a bag of part-skim mozzarella cheese, and a bag of turkey bacon.  

Next, preheat your oven to 350 degrees.  Get your muffin tin out and spray each one with some non-stick spray.

Crack two egg whites into each section.  Try not to get any yolks in there, but if you do - no biggie!

Next, slice up your bacon and cook it in a pan until it's done.

Put the cooked bacon onto some paper towels to drain any excess fat off.  Let them cool for a couple of minutes, then distribute evenly among your egg whites.

Top with 1 1/2 cups cheese.

Pop it in the oven for about 25 minutes.  If you are unsure about whether or not they are done, just cut into one and see if any juices come out.  When they aren't jiggly and juicy, they are done!  I know, I'm so technical with my cooking terms.

Just look at these little guys!  So good and easy to make!  They taste great right out of the oven, leftover and microwaved, and even cold.

Here's the nutritional breakdown per serving (makes 12 servings):

• Calories: 115

• Protein: 17g

• Carbs: 3g

• Fat: 5g

There are tons of ways you could change up this recipe...use liquid egg whites instead of real eggs, add in veggies, use a different type of turkey bacon, use turkey sausage instead, etc.

Take THAT McDonald's!  My version has WAY less fat, calories, and carbs!  :)  

  

Git R Done!

When's the last time you did something that scared you?  Are you the type of person who sits back and lets life go by, or do you take the bull by the horns?  Do you feel like you are missing out on accomplishing things because you are afraid of failure?

I would like to sit here and say that I have always been a "git er dun" type of person, but I haven't been...until now!  I have gone after things to a certain extent in the past, but not like I do now.  When I want something, I GO FOR IT.  Sometimes the ideas I come up with in my head scare the everlovin heck outta me, so I try to push them to the side and forget them...but they always come back.  When I wake myself up in the middle of the night thinking about it, then I just have to pursue it.  Like running a half-marathon.  Why in the world did I up and decide that I needed to sign up for one of those?  The thought of running 13.1 miles scares me, for real.  But, I have faith that I can do it.  I have gone from not being able to run a mile a year ago, to running two 5k's, and now I am up to 9 miles on the weekend.  So, I WILL do it! ...in 22 days, not that I'm counting.  :)

I am also in the process of pursuing a HUGE dream of mine that I have had for YEARS!  No, I am still not telling yet - you'll just have to wait and see!  What I will tell you is that it involves me starting my own business, and it's not related to health and fitness.  What scares me most is that I don't know what the outcome will be...will it be successful or will it just crash and burn?  I have no idea, but what I DO know is that I haven't stopped thinking about it in years, I have the knowledge, the guts, and the determination.  The only way I will ever know if I can do this is to try.  I actually met with someone today to talk business with me, and she said, "If you can run a half-marathon, then you can do this.  It shows that you have the discipline to put one foot in front of the other." <----Totally made my day!

Big dreams start small.  Just like my journey of getting healthy and fit.  My success with where I am today is all due to baby steps, patience, and determination.  Losing fluff doesn't happen overnight and neither does getting in shape.  If you think you can and believe in yourself, you are halfway there.

Don't spend your life wishing things were different and daydreaming about how life could be, if you want something...