You know those “ah-ha”
moments you have sometimes when you feel like a light just came on? Yeah, totally just had one. I have spent the past two weeks stressed out
about everything under the sun...how I’m going to make my new business successful,
upcoming road trips, bills, work deadlines, etc. All that stress has made me turn to my old
buddy...FOOD. Instead of dealing with
the stress, all I want to do is stuff it down with chocolate and macaroni and
cheese...which I did, a few times. And
what happens when I do that? I get
fat. I gain weight. I feel like crap. Soooo, to fix it...what do I do? Eat more or drink! And guess what that does? Makes me feel like crap. I get fatter.
I gain more weight. Boot camp
kills me. Ew.
This morning I
realized something... I put WAY too much
pressure on myself!!!!!! I’m a “git er
dun” kinda person, so before I’m even done with one thing, my mind is already
moving on to the next thing. I like to
get things done, to a T, and fast.
Example...we live in
the country, and our trash service requires that we take our trash cans to the
end of the road (which is a good mile or so from our place). So, we decided that paying for that was
stupid and that we would take care of the trash ourselves. Sometimes we take bags to work, sometimes we
put them in the back of the truck and wait till it’s not windy so we can just
burn them in the field (call it redneck if ya want, everwhat). Well, we had about 4 bags that had
accumulated in the back of the truck, and I was determined that we needed to
take care of them NOW. I didn’t care if
it was windy. So, we went outside and
burned them. The entire time...my
husband was in a tizzy and about to have a panic attack because the wind was
just whippin stuff all up into the air, so he was afraid we were going to cause
a grass fire. I remember thinking to
myself...wow, I am really stressing him out by wantin to burn this stupid
trash. After that, we took the
push-mower to my parents’ house (we had borrowed it a few weeks ago). When we dropped it off, I told Mom that we
needed it back next weekend because we needed to mow really bad. A couple days later, she asked me why we HAD
to have it this weekend. I told her that
our grass looked like a dadgum pasture and that we had to take care of it NOW. When I got home that night, I remember
stopping to look at the grass and thinking...man, that grass isn’t as tall as I
thought it was. Then last night, I got
home and was talkin my poor hubby’s ears off about all the stuff I have comin
up that I need to get done, and he just looked at me and said, “I think we can
procrastinate on all we have to do for one more night.”
My point
is...sometimes, things are just gonna have to wait. I spend too much of my time spinnin my wheels
worrying about doin this or that, trying to be perfect while I'm at it, and not enough time
slowing down to enjoy the little things.
It makes me stress out, want to eat junk, and lose myself in the madness. Yes, life is going to be a little nuts at
times, but it’s not up to me to take care of it all RIGHT NOW. And I don’t have to be perfect all the
time. Trying to be perfect only leads to
disappointment (cause duh...nobody is perfect), which leads to more stress,
more junk food, more fat, and more ew.
Not a fun cycle.
So, I am done with expecting myself to be perfect and puttin all that pressure on myself. I’m going to make mistakes sometimes, I’m
going to gain weight sometimes, and I’m going to eat junk sometimes. And I’m okay with that. Why?
Because I’m human and it’s allowed.
My journey to
getting healthy and fit does not have a finish line (sure wish it did, but it doesn’t). I know that I will never be “done” with it because
it’s a way of life. Some weeks I will
feel like a rockstar, and some weeks I will feel like a turtle crawlin through
the mud. Either way, I WILL KEEP GOING!
NEVER GIVE UP...you can screw up, go slow, and struggle...remember, success comes one step at a time - you just gotta keep on steppin!!!
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